


Bloom Into You

by catboyz



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Background Relationships, Christmas Themed, F/F, F/M, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Gay Panic, Gen, Getting Together, Hinata Hajime & Soda Kazuichi Friendship, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Post-Canon, Romance, Self-Worth Issues, Souda has issues, Stand Alone, Trans Hajime, kazuichi realizes he is Not Straight, komaeda is stupid and gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:15:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29117349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catboyz/pseuds/catboyz
Summary: Kazuichi Souda is trying his best to rebuild his life with the others on Jabberwock island, but a sudden and unexpected crush throws him for a loop.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Koizumi Mahiru/Saionji Hiyoko, Nidai Nekomaru/Soda Kazuichi, Sonia Nevermind/Tanaka Gundham
Comments: 20
Kudos: 109





	Bloom Into You

It was the second winter since everyone woke up, and Kazuichi couldn’t believe it had been a year already. 

He, being one of the survivors of the failed neo world program, had spent several sleepless nights working on a code to awaken the catatonic bodies, trying to make the real island somewhat livable and crying over the immense weight on their shoulders regarding their unfortunate situation. Over the course of the last year, life was a jarringly uneven rhythm of helping the people who woke up get back on their feet, talking to the unstable future foundation to get  _ any _ kind of help, and fixing accidents and little meltdowns that happened here and there. 

Finally, after what seemed like a never-ending tsunami of stress, life faded back into… not  _ entirely  _ normal, but something that was  _ somewhat _ normal. 

What would a recovering remnant of despair call normal?

Souda was pretty sure it involved being able to smile and laugh again- that felt normal enough. 

The cold wind that had blown in recently was surprisingly bitter for a tropical island, probably because of the tragedy and climate change or whatever, but he was a mechanic, not a meteorologist. As a result, Mahiru brought up the idea of having a little winter get-together in the old building, because in her words “it couldn’t hurt to be a little festive!” Souda never really celebrated Christmas, but the idea of spending time with his found family made him really happy. Now, nobody besides Hajime had even TOUCHED the old building before yesterday. Not only were there bad memories attached, but the dust from just barely walking inside could send all of them into a coughing fit. Imposter and Peko decided to run inside head on armed with brooms and feather dusters and wound up needing medical assistance after they both possibly inhaled an entire cobweb. Mikan (who at this point was working hard to be more confident in herself) gave them both a scolding, but she inevitably wound up being the one apologizing in the end. 

Since they got some light going in the small wood cabin, it was looking like less and less of a slasher shed with every new thing the group moved out. There were boxes everywhere from what one could guess belonged to the previous owners before the island closed itself off from tourism. Mahiru and Hiyoko were outside going through the contents and organizing what they could find, and Souda was in charge of being the designated Building Inspector. This basically meant he was supposed to walk around and see if there were any rusty bolts or termite eaten wood that could pose a danger to anyone, and if so, fix them. So far he only found a few rusty tools in the kitchen that at any rate Nagito or Mikan would find a way to give themselves tetanus on accident with, so he got rid of them and added “silverware” to the list of requested supplies. 

Jesus fuck it was cold. ESPECIALLY in the kitchen.

He was considering just turning on the oven and getting inside if it even WORKED. 

Sonia and Gundham were chatting idly down the hall from what he could see from the kitchen’s exit. 

That smooth bastard. 

Why did Sonia choose  _ HIM  _ to be her boyfriend! He’s just so WEIRD and he has the worst personality!! He was all wrong for her! Souda wanted to be the one to sweep Sonia off her feet with his rugged charm and mechanical expertise, but it turned out that she had more…  _ alternative  _ tastes. 

Really, there was nothing he could do about it.

For one, Gundham was  _ scary _ . Kazuichi swore up and down that his hamsters had rabies or were possessed because they appeared to hate him and target him specifically, but Sonia chastised that they were just being playful and he should “stop being so mean!” And as for the second reason… he just wanted Sonia to be happy. 

Being a survivor taught him that there were more important things in this world than trying to win her heart, and he just settled for being her friend. She needed that more than anything. 

But still… He couldn’t help being jealous. 

She looked really nice in her pink sweater. 

“ **KAZUICHI** . DO THINE EARS BEFALL UNWILLINGLY ON OUR CONVERSATION, OR DID YOU  _ INTEND _ TO BREACH OUR PRIVACY?” 

“WAUGH-!!”

Gundham’s baritone voice shook him out of his daydream and made him lose his grip on the doorframe in surprise, trip over his left foot and wind up leaning against the opposite wall. He quickly rearranged his limbs to look like he was just chillin. Nothing to see here! Just enjoying this… splintery wood!!

“WHAAT? No!! I’m not doing... whatever you just said! I was just leaving! Nothing cool in the kitchen! You know how it is! Hey, Gundham, aren’t you supposed to be helping Ibuki and Hanamura with getting supplies from backstage at the old venue? Imagine what Hajime would say if he found out you were slacking off! Scoot!”

  
  


Sonia giggled and covered her mouth with her hand. “Gundham was just bringing me some of those little heat packs you use to keep your hands warm! He’s still working hard, don’t worry Kazuichi!”

She took one out of her front pocket to show him and wiggled it slightly for emphasis with that same bright smile she always has. 

“Precisely. You may be my dark lady to the Tanaka empire, but it would pain my soul to know your human form was in any discomfort. Now, I must be off to go find my tools of reconstruction!”

He kissed Sonia on the cheek before throwing his scarf over his shoulder with a flourish, and went out of sight. 

“He’s so wonderful, isn’t he?”

He scowled. “Yeah, he's  _ great.  _ What do you even see in that guy?! You two are nothing alike!”

“I appreciate that you’re looking out for me, but I can assure you that the two of us are incredibly compatible! He’s so kind and considerate when we’re together, you see?”

“Kind” and “considerate” were  _ not  _ the first words that came to mind when he thought of the guy. His idea was more along the lines of “creepy” and “melodramatic.”

“Whatever. But If he ever breaks your heart, I’m gonna kick his ass!” 

“I know! Thank you Kazuichi, you’re a wonderful friend!” 

“Hell yeah I am!”

“Oh! Speaking of our friends! Mahiru wanted to see you about something that she found! She needs your mechanic skills!”

“Wh- I thought they were only finding old paperwork and napkins?”

“Go see!” she said with a shoo-ing motion of her hands. 

“ALRIGHT ALRIGHT I’m going!! Jeez!”

He made his way down the hallway and into the main room, where Fuyuhiko, Peko, Komaeda, Hajime, and Nekomaru were doing their own jobs. 

Fuyuhiko and Nekomaru were still lifting and organizing boxes, while Peko and the other two men in the room were working on changing the light fixtures to less flammable and more modern bulbs. 

Komaeda was sitting on the floor trying to figure out the wiring of the LED lights and appeared to be having a bit of a hard time. His pale curls were pulled back into a ponytail and he could see that his brow was furrowed in thought. 

He didn’t really trust Komaeda all that much, but recently he got… better. He and Hajime spent a lot of time together once he woke up, and for some reason Hajime was some kind of Nagito Whisperer; They understood each other in a way nobody else could. Komaeda had a few episodes of acting out when he regained consciousness and Kazuichi wasn’t quite there for all of it, but despite all of his breakdowns he was able to be brought back down to earth to the point where he could have a normal conversation. 

Still, he didn’t want his insane luck to cause any possible issues or broken glass, so he begrudgingly went to help. 

“Yo! Komaeda! You need some help with that?”

“Ah… maybe. I don’t know how exactly this light is supposed to be put together, but I didn’t want to bother any of you…”

“No no, it’s fine, lemme see it.”

Nagito gingerly handed him the tube light with his robotic hand. On the first sight of it the problem was obvious.

“Ah! Don’t worry, it’s an easy fix. You’re not supposed to put the N and L wires on the same end-“

He muttered the instructions as he removed the top wire and plugged it into the opposite end.

“There! Since these aren’t the kind of LED’s that involve a ballast it’s really simple!” 

That signature pleasant grin Kazuichi knew so well broke out on Nagito’s face, his ashen blue eyes lighting up in glee. 

“AHHH!! Kazuichi!! This is fantastic!! What would I do without someone as talented as you! Thank you so much! Now I can help Hajime instead of being a hindrance to him!” 

Nagito clasped his hands together and a faint blush crept over the bridge of his nose. 

“It’s no problem. Holler at me if you need any more help!”

“Of course!! Thank you again!!” 

Geez, the smallest things really made that guy happy. 

Kazuichi pushed himself up on his knees and was just about to leave the building when Fuyuhiko stopped him carrying a tower of old cardboard. Jeez, It seemed like every single person on the island needed his help today.

“Oi, Sprite Pepsi, can you give me a hand here?”

“I’m kind of on my way to go help Mahiru a-“

“It’ll literally take two seconds dude, plus you’re just heading in that direction.” 

“FINE. fine!! Give me the boxes!!”

“How about  _ you _ take one instead? My hands are kind of tied here!”

“Bossy today aren’t we ’Hiko?”

“Oh I’ll show you  _ bossy _ , now  _ take the damn boxes my arms are getting tired!!”  _

Fuyuhiko snickered and Kazuichi grabbed about four- oH GOD WHAT WAS IN THESE? 

His body gave out as the weight of the mysterious contents pulled him to the floor, but he regained his balance before he made a fool of himself. 

He managed to get a good armhold on the tower and headed towards the outside door when- 

“H-“

**_THUNK._ **

  
  


A stray board caught his left sandal and sent him face first on the floor and those stupid boxes made a sound so loud they could’ve been heard all the way on the mainland. 

The first thing he heard was a chorus of concerned voices. 

“Ah! KAZUICHI! Are you okay?”

“Kaz!”

“Woah, dude-“

He didn’t know exactly when he landed, but when he peeled his face off of the boards his nose was throbbing and leaking a familiar crimson substance. He squinted at the blood he wiped off on his thumb and winced at the pain that followed the realization. 

“Ah  _ fffffffuck-“ _

The next thing he felt was two strong hands underneath his arms and cupping his chest. He was lifted off the ground in a blur and gently placed back on the ground and patted on the shoulder coupled with a gentle rub with a thumb on his neck.

Nekomaru Nidai cackled with his boisterous laugh that Kazuichi would recognize anywhere. He grinned down at the smaller boy, looking him up and down making sure he was okay. 

“BAHAHAHA! You alright there Souda?!  _ Better be more careful, you silly little boy!” _

Nekomaru gave him a friendly pat on the back, and he yelped in surprise. 

Nekomaru went back to his business, and Kazuichi was left standing there, totally shell shocked. 

His heart fluttered over and over in his chest, and watched Nekomaru walk away for what felt like forever. 

Kazuichi’s face felt hot. 

His face was warm, and the heat was flushing all through his body and other places and- oH GOD. OH  _ FUCK _ .

OKAY. 

_ OKAY _ . 

NOPE NOPE NOPE HE NEEDS TO LEAVE RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY. 

He BOOKED IT. Everything was throbbing, his face, his nose, his chest and, most embarrassingly his- GOD, WHY  _ THAT _ ?! 

He heard Mahiru try to ask where he was going and Hiyoko said something mean, but he had MUCH bigger problems right now. 

He had many questions. 

First off, he liked  _ GIRLS.  _ It was obvious! He liked Sonia! He still kind of did! He was fine with his guy friends liking other guys, but he didn’t swing that way!! 

So why the FUCK did Nekomaru calling him a  _ “silly little boy”  _ get him so  _ aroused  _ of all things? 

He got back to his cottage and slammed the door behind him. He threw his head back, clutched the fabric of his shirt and slid all the way down to the floor. 

He was still breathing heavy and his throat stung from breathing in the cold air, but everything still felt so  _ warm.  _

The whole scene kept replaying in his head over and over, trying to figure out what exactly just happened. No matter how many times he psychoanalyzed the same situation he couldn’t find any answers, other than thinking about it in detail made him even  _ more _ aroused. 

This was weird. 

_ This was really weird.  _

This… wasn’t normal.

He wasn’t gay. He couldn’t be gay because he was a  _ normal _ guy who liked girls. He thought girls were really pretty and nice and all kinds of things that guys like him were into!! 

Sure he admired how strong Nekomaru was and just guys with a lot of muscle on them in general, but it was just admiration and nothing more!

…But the more he thought about how warm and strong those hands of his were and how easily he got picked up, the more those thoughts lead into those hands going lower, and  _ how easily he could be moved around _ , everything his stupid fucking brain imagined went straight to his dick despite trying everything he could to make it stop. 

His chest felt tight in a way that was painful. 

He didn’t understand what it all meant, and he didn’t think he wanted to understand either. 

——

Kazuichi didn’t get a whole lot of sleep that night. He didn’t want to go outside even though there was still work to be done, but then people would ask him where he was and if he was okay, which he really didn’t want to respond with “oh yeah one of my friends calling me a “silly little boy” and picking me up gave me a boner so I had to leave!”

He knew that a lot of his friends were gay, and that was totally fine by him. Nagito liked boys, specifically handsome broad shouldered boys with spiky brown hair. Teruteru was… he didn’t really know  _ what  _ he was but he sure wasn’t straight. Mahiru and Hiyoko were a couple, or at least it seemed that way; neither of them really came out or said anything but he did notice the two of them exchanging kisses and holding hands when they thought nobody was looking. 

So why did the idea of  _ himself  _ being gay make his heart clench up and made him feel like he couldn’t breathe? 

His main thought was that if he  _ was  _ gay, then that would be weird and people wouldn’t like him anymore. But he knew that was stupid and totally untrue, because again, his family was a bunch of diverse and quirky young guys, gals and everything in between from all different walks of life. They at  _ least  _ wouldn’t care, much less treat him any different. 

It was all too confusing and  _ complicated _ and all he wanted to do was pull his sheets higher over his flushed face. 

He looked over at the clock. 

10:30. 

His stomach impatiently growled at the lack of food, considering he hadn’t eaten anything since lunch yesterday. 

Fuck it. 

He kicked his feet to get the covers off and rolled from his mattress onto the floor. He didn’t even put the effort in to grab a hat to cover his wild pink hair, he just wanted to grab a dry bagel or something and disappear again for another 24 hours. 

When he got to the restaurant, the only person left there was Hajime. He was reading over new future foundation reports and sipping on his usual cup of black coffee. Hajime mentioned once that he never liked black coffee until after he woke up from the sim and fused with Izuru. 

The human brain was really weird, he thought. 

Teruteru made breakfast for everyone as usual, but by the time Kazuichi got there, only a few cold eggs were left. 

He grabbed a plate and shoved it in the microwave. Whatever. Maybe he could spend today working on projects he had been wanting to do-

“Hey, Kaz.”

Ah,  _ shit.  _

“Oh!! Heyyy… Hajime! Good morning! What’s goin on? Whatcha readin?” He said, creating a distraction on the fly. 

“Eh, not a lot. FF sent me some prospective plans for another island, it’s supposed to be a kind of “sanctuary” for people misplaced but the tragedy. It sounds a little unrealistic to me… oh, by the way-“

“THATSOUNDSCOOLGOTTAGOBYE!”

Before Hajime could ask anything else, he escaped back outside. He REALLY didn’t want to talk to anyone right now, even if Hajime was his closest friend. The moment he thought he lost him though, he was greeted with a half-red-half-olive gaze at the bottom of the stairs. 

Sometimes he forgot Hajime was partially superhuman and could be anywhere at any time.

“AGH-“

Hajime steadied Kazuichi’s freak-out with a hand on his shoulder. 

“ _Woah woah woah- dude,_ what’s going on? You completely disappeared last night after you fell, and usually you’re one of the first people out of bed in the morning. I don’t have to be able to read your mind to know something’s up. Talk to me.” 

Well, he couldn’t argue with that.

Hajime’s face was stern but sincere, his thick eyebrows furrowed as usual. Being under the sun so often made his skin darken and his freckles pop out along his cheeks, and you could really tell that he wasn’t entirely Japanese in this type of climate. 

His face was familiar and calming- like a solid right hand man that told him everything would be alright. 

Kazuichi pulled the drawstrings of his hoodie so he had a simple way to hide. 

“...Can we go back inside?”

——

“So uh… yeah and that’s everything?  _ Fuck  _ dude I don’t wanna be gay what does this mean? This is normal, right? Right??”

Hajime sat still for a very long time. His hand covered his mouth as his eyes swirled around in thought. A glimmer of a smile lit up in his eyes and he sat back in his chair, and slowly, bubbling up like a rising sun, a laugh broke out from his chest. 

“Not only are you  _ gay  _ man, but you’re also a BOTTOM! HAHA-“

“DUDE!!! STOP LAUGHING, THIS IS SERIOUS!! I TOLD YOU I’M NOT GAY, I LIKED SONIA, REMEMBER?!”

Hajime tried to stifle his laughter and ran his hands through his hair. 

“Right!! Right, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have laughed.” 

He still couldn’t keep that damn smile off his face. 

“I’m- I’m glad you came to me about this. I mean, look, you  _ could  _ be bisexual? That’s still a possibility... What exactly do you like about Sonia? Are there any other girls you find attractive?”

He mulled on what he said for a minute before settling on an answer. 

“Well… Sonia’s really pretty! I think that she’s nice to hang out with and she’s also a princess!! She’s practically the perfect girl!”

“And…?”

And… what? 

Sonia was pretty. She was really nice. She was a great friend. 

Calling her “hot” just felt weird now that they were only friends. 

Then again, calling any of the  _ other _ girls “hot” felt weird. Or any other girl he could think of. 

Did. 

Did he find girls sexually attractive at all?

Suddenly all of the fantasies he tried to make of big chested girls were replaced with towel-clad men with big pecs in a locker room.

“Kaz?”

“Oh my god I  _ am  _ gay…”

The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. 

No wonder that when he was a kid he didn’t understand what the other boys at school meant when they said they  _ liked _ a girl. He had just tried to fit in when they talked about how Seiko in class 3-B was cute. 

Now there was no question as to why whenever his best friend in middle school got close to him his heart did flips. 

… And now it was clear as to  _ why  _ that whenever his dad or his high school friends said awful things about guys who liked other guys he felt sick to his stomach. 

He ran his hands through his hair and slowly melted onto the table. 

“Hey hey, relax dude. You’re gonna be fine.”

“I KNOW!! I know! But I’m still freaking out!!!  _ God,  _ what am I gonna tell Sonia?! That I never really liked her at all and I made her uncomfortable all those times for no reason?!”

“Kaz, I’m sure she’ll understand. Like, even now I’m starting to see why you flirted so  _ aggressively _ with her… And so badly- You  _ literally _ had no idea what you were doing. You just wanted to like a girl, didn’t you?”

Once again, Hinata was right on the money. 

“You’re a fucking dumbass.”

“I’m a  _ right  _ dumbass.”

Kazuichi crossed his arms and tried to look away from his best friend. 

“I-I guess I just- what if people don’t wanna talk to me anymore? I know it’s dumb but I can’t help being freaked out about it…”

Hajime slid his arm over his back. 

“Kazuichi Souda. Nobody on this goddamn island is going to treat you any differently because you like guys. I’m  _ literally _ transgender and I practically run this place so PLEASE don’t start with any of that “people won’t like me” bullshit.”

“WAIT- WHAT?! SINCE WHEN?!”

Hajime pulled back, eyebrows furrowed and face aghast. “I THOUGHT YOU KNEW?”

“I- OH...! Okay...?

S-so do you want me to call you “Hinata- _ chan _ ” now or-“

He sighed and gave him that signature exasperated expression he knew all too well.

“I’m a transgender  _ man  _ Kazuichi.”

“OHHHHHHHHHHHHH… that makes a LOT more sense!”

He thought for a moment. 

“..Is that why your pecs are so big?” 

Hajime once again made the same expression that he makes when someone says something stupid and pinched the bridge of his nose.

_ “God I really need to be more open about this kind of stuff _ \- I don’t like wearing binders. They make me feel constricted and it triggers my anxiety, so I usually wear sports bras instead to get a flatter chest. Mikan and I are talking about surgery but we’ve been so busy… Anyway, uh, thank you. For not being weird about it I mean.”

“No prob man! Thanks for listening to me... You’re a really good friend, you know that right?”

“Ah shit, I’m really not, but thanks.”

Kazuichi grinned and stood up way too fast and wound up having to stabilize himself on one of the chairs. His body was still shaking from the adrenaline rush of the conversation, but he did admittedly feel better. 

“SO UH- what… do I do now?”

Hajime shrugged. “I dunno. Do what you wanna do I guess? It really doesn’t matter right now. Maybe go see if anyone needs help? Actually- you should go talk to Mahiru and Hiyoko considering you ran out on them yesterday.”

He smacked his forehead with a resounding  **_THUNK_ ** . “SHIT! I totally did! I’ll go do that right now!! Thanks Hajime!!”

“No prob.”

He was halfway out the door when a spark of realization hit him. He grabbed the doorframe and leaned back to look at the other man at the table with a shit eating grin. 

“By the way- what’s the deal with you and Komaeda? He seems to follow you around a  _ whole  _ lot-“

“GO.”

He cackled and skipped out the door, finding the startled expression on Hajime's face  _ hilarious.  _

...What was he doing again?

Oh, yeah, he just found out he was gay and has been terrified of being honest with his feelings for most of his life!

He paused. 

He stopped and put his hands on his hips. He looked at his shoes, but he was really fumbling around inside his own head. 

Honestly, for most of his adult life he dressed and acted in a way that would get people to like him.

Honestly, that was probably why he acted like such an idiot in general. He’d let himself be more relaxed over the last year and a half around everyone, and he let more of… “himself” shine through instead of trying to be the tough guy he pretended to be in previous years. 

Is that why Sonia actually liked talking to him now?

Dammit Kazuichi, you’ve got 50 layers of inferiority complexes and low confidence and it’s your luck that nobody on this damn island besides maybe Hajime is the Ultimate Therapist. 

Honestly, being “honest” with himself sounded like a huge load of cheese.

Whatever. 

—

“JEEZ, so you  _ finally  _ decided to show your ugly mug you greasy Virgin!”

The blonde was wearing a loose white robe and her usual round-faced scowl. 

“Hey Hiyoko. Is Mahiru here?”

“KEH- no thanks to you!! She was gonna leave your ass to figure out the device yourself, but her  _ tummy hurts _ so she’s staying with me! MAHIIIIRUUUU, he’s done being stupid!” 

The redhead appeared in the doorway and set a hand on Hiyoko’s shoulder. 

“Honey, it’s fine. I’m sure Kazuichi had his reasons for not being there. Anyway, the device is just inside. I’m not sure what it is, but I’m sure you can figure it out!”

Kazuichi grinned and followed the two into the cottage, Hiyoko holding Mahiru’s hand defensively. Mahiru motioned for him to sit down in the yellow circle chair near the window, which he politely did. Mahiru picked up a box and brought it to his feet, and what Kazuichi found inside made his eyes light up like a little kid. 

“HOLY  _ SHIT _ !! THIS IS AN INTERNET MODEM!!”

“Wait, a what-what?”

“I-It’s a little old and dusty, but it’s essentially a WiFi box!” Kazuichi lifted the black prism and blew the dust off of the top. “If we can hook this up to the computer room in the middle of the island, then we can connect to the outside world and like, see what’s going on nowadays! Now the computers from the old device store’ll actually be useful!”

Mahiru clapped her hands together and smiled at the news. 

“Well, great!! When can you get it up and moving? But we’ll probably have to ask Naegi if it’s okay to connect it, and I don’t know if the internet even exists anymore after the tragedy…”

“I’m sure it’s fine! MAAAAAN, I can’t wait to get online again!! It feels like it’s been forever!”

Hiyoko scoffed. “Yeah, I bet you can’t  _ wait _ to go searching for Sonia-chan’s nudes on some skeevy porn site! HA!”

She punctuated her accusation with a flick to his forehead. 

“ACK- h-hey!!! You know I don’t do that kind of stuff anymore!”

Which was true for many reasons, but Hiyoko’s insult made his stomach turn just a little. 

Mahiru smiled nervously and Hiyoko snort-laughed at his reaction. 

“I know you boys are all the same!! You’d have to be someone like  _ Nagito _ to not jump at the chance to see a pretty girl naked!”

Number one, that was a  _ little _ hypocritical considering the team she played for. Number two, he knew exactly what she meant by “someone like Nagito.” The guy could care less about a pair of boobs in his face but could gush for an hour about how Hajime’s eyes looked golden in the sunset. He wasn’t exactly transparent. What was worse was that she was  _ right _ .

“Kazuichi?”

He realized he had been silent for longer than he should’ve been. He got that same tight-chest-anxiety feeling, like he just accidentally exposed something he didn’t want anyone to see. 

At least not right now. 

Maybe it was just because Hiyoko was just mean about anything and everything, but the whole thing was still really fresh to him and  _ incredibly _ personal. 

“HUH? Uh- yeah! Y’know how us boys are! Girls sure are hot! Don’t see why Nagito doesn’t like ’em! The guy must be into other guys or something...”

Why Does He Say The Things He Does. 

“Kazuichi.”

He just set the modem in his lap and took off the top panel. He worked at the wiring hoping to change the subject or just shut someone out. He was fully aware of the green and orange pairs of eyes staring down at him, but maybe they would leave if he stopped talking. Was it the red wire or the blue wire that hooked up to the dish? Why was one of the wires yellow again? The motherboard needed to be replaced. They’re still there. Oh look! A loose wire!

“Kaz, are you...?”

Dammit. 

He stopped moving his hands, but didn’t make eye contact. 

“I mean- yeah? Maybe? I don’t know. I mean I do know but. I-I’m still figuring it out and I don’t want anyone talking about it right now, so-“

His face burned, and he wanted nothing more than to leave the cottage and work on something by himself until the sun went down. 

“Hey, Kazuichi, you know that’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Mahiru said in her motherly tone. 

  
  


“YEAH, I  _ KNOW _ MAHIRU. Everyone says that it’s “nothing to be ashamed of,” but I’m having a hard time believing that. I don’t- GRRH-! Anyone  _ I _ ever talked to seemed PRETTY ashamed at just bringing it up. You might’ve had it differently, but I-“

“UGGHHHHH, SHUT UP ALREADY!!”

  
  


Kazuichi jumped in his chair at Hiyoko’s exclamation, nearly dropping the modem on the floor. He squeaked and scrambled to catch it before he fucked something else up. 

“Listen! You’re not the only person here who didn’t get the warmest reception on the whole gay thing- My stupid grandma was dead set on marrying me to some butt ugly douchebag when I just wanted to date a cute girl!! If I even brought up the word “lesbian” she would go on a tangent about how it wasn’t “right” or “traditional” and all sorts of shit! But guess what? She’s not here right now! I’m a big girl and I can like whoever I wanna like, and if anyone doesn’t like that, it’s their fucking problem! Now sort out your own fucking problems!”

He really didn’t expect  _ all that _ to come from Hiyoko of all people, but… she did have a point. 

Mahiru knelt down and rested a palm on his knee. 

“Ah… What Hiyoko’s trying to say is that you have to be brave at some point, y’know? It’s understandable that you’re scared, but we’re all on your side now.”

Mahiru really was like a mom sometimes. 

They were both right- if he was ever gonna feel any better, he  _ had _ to stop hiding. 

If anyone didn’t like him because of it, it was their loss. 

“Thank you…” 

His voice was quiet and he felt like he was gonna cry, but he didn’t want to make things more awkward than they already were. He put the half-finished modem back in the cardboard box with a flourish and lifted it into his arms. He stood up, went to the door and paused. 

He didn’t know what to say, so he stood there for a moment looking over his shoulder at the two girls searching for the right words. 

“...That really helped...”

“No problem! We’re kind of a family after all, so we’re always here for you!”

“I’m a very busy girl so I won’t ALWAYS be there to hear you whine, but… you know… if you REALLY need it I guess I can smack some sense into your ass.” 

He chuckled and pushed open the door with his back, and made his way back to his cottage. 

He felt different. 

—-

“COMIN’ THROUGH!!”

“EEEK!! I-Ibuki!! S-slow down!!”

Kazuichi was just about to get to his front door when he nearly got run over by what looked like a multicolored blur on a shopping cart. 

“UYAHH??!”

  
  


He jumped out of the way before he became a pink stain on the boardwalk, but the box containing his newest project landed on the wood.

“Aw, shit- WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING!! I GOT PRECIOUS CARGO HERE!!”

Ibuki was zooming as fast as she could go down the road with a very frightened Mikan and various items in tow. She got to the old building and lifted the other very frightened girl out of the basket. 

THE OLD BUILDING. 

Shit!! He completely forgot about that FIRST project he was supposed to be doing!! 

He opened his door, gently kicked the box inside and followed Ibuki’s trail. 

Ibuki was still holding Mikan over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. 

“KAZUCHAN!! Whassup dude!! Ibuki’s totally sorry she almost ran over you back there, ‘Miki and I were just totally stoked to show everyone the party lights and snacks we found!!”

Mikan rubbed her head and her recently cut pixie style fluffed around. 

“Uguuu… I-I’m so sorry!! Forgive me!”

Ibuki put Mikan back down on the ground and have her head a quick affectionate pat. 

“Hey, hey, it’s fine! I totally get being excited! What’d you girls find? Chips? Salsa? The works?”

“I-Ibuki and I w-were thinking that s-since the p-party is holiday themed, w-we-“

Ibuki pulled out a big string of lights and a red box. 

“WE GOT GINGERBREAD MIX AND TWINKLE LIGHTS!! PLUS, we ran into Nekomaru on the way and he said he’s gonna set up the fire pit so we can make s’mores!! How fun fun fun is that?!”

“AH!! That sounds awesome!! I haven’t had s’mores in a long time!”    
  
“NONE OF US HAVE! I don’t even think this chocolate is still good, but I guess we’ll find out later!! You should come see how the inside looks!! You were gone when we finished for the night, you won’t BELIEVE how much better it looks! Later alligator!” 

Ibuki and Mikan carried the shopping cart up the wood steps and inside the building with Ibuki doing most of the work. Not that mikan was lazy, but that her general body strength wasn’t that great ever since she got sick. 

Kazuichi was genuinely excited about the s’more situation, because really, who wouldn’t be? But he knew the real reason why his heart jumped at Ibuki’s words was because she mentioned Nekomaru. He hadn’t seen him since yesterday’s  _ incident _ , and what was worse was that  _ he _ was the reason for his abrupt… awakening. 

He wouldn’t deny that he thought Nekomaru was hot. Not now. 

He always found his impressive build and magnetic personality really attractive, but only now did he realize that what he was feeling all those times wasn’t exactly platonic. He groaned as he remembered asking to “open him up and take a look at his insides” when he was a robot in the neo world program. If that was his subconscious-in-denial way of flirting, then he really stood no chance for any relationships in the future.

Besides; Even if he,  _ hypothetically, _ did want to ask Nekomaru out  _ specifically _ , he knew he was probably straight. He and Akane were always together, and he wouldn’t be surprised if those two were a thing. 

He pouted and trudged up the steps to go get a look at the building.

\---

Ibuki wasn’t kidding.

Someone must’ve hauled some serious ass yesterday, because apart from the folded up tables along the walls, everything was well lit and spotless. 

There were eight lantern-esque fixtures in two parallel lines of four down the middle of the ceiling in the main dining hall, and the new LED tube lights illuminated the dark hallways with a crisp modern glow. The creaky wood floors had been covered with tatami mats and wood tile which tied the whole building together, and everything looked great.

“Kazuichi!” 

Nagito, clad in a black turtleneck and a tan cardigan, glided over to where he was standing and took both of his hands in his with a bright smile on his face. 

“Thank you so much for your help with the lights yesterday! Because of your kindness I was able to contribute to this group effort! You’re so amazing with machines, I can’t even begin to comprehend how happy your abilities make me!”

Ah. Good ‘ol weird Nagito.   
At least he doesn’t have his self loathing fits like how he used to anymore. 

“Eh, don’t mention it. It looks nice!” 

“Please, there has to be some way I can repay you! I would make you lunch, but I'm quite an awful cook!” 

As much as he didn’t like being around the guy… he really couldn’t say no to that face. There was a pause as his brain searched for  _ something _ he could let him do that would sate his need to please.

He had a thought. It was risky. Did he think twice? No. When did he ever. 

“Uhhhhhhhhhhh….. Hm, well... I did have a new device that needs rewiring, you  _ could _ be my assistant if you wa-” 

“PERFECT! Feel free to ask me out anytime!”

Why did he phrase it like that. 

He let go of his hands and looked over Kazuichi’s shoulder to see Hajime coming inside, along with Peko and Teruteru. Komaeda skipped past him and went to give Hajime a hug and a greeting. 

Jeez, why was everyone here so lovey-dovey?

Ibuki and Mikan emerged from the storage room with wire hooks for the twinkle lights, and the first girl unceremoniously gave the box of gingerbread mix to Teruteru. Everyone else appeared to have a job to do, but since he woke up late he was a little left out. 

A thought occurred to him.

He  _ could  _ go see what Nekomaru was doing… 

He would have to find a way to make it not-awkward by avoiding mentioning specific things if he asked about yesterday, but the risk didn’t outweigh the reward. Thinking about just being around him made his heart flutter, but in a good way- as if he was a little kid the night before his birthday, like he couldn’t possibly wait any longer. 

Nekomaru was a fantastic friend as everyone in his small island family was, but he was in his immediate circle of the people he felt closest to. This circle included Nekomaru, Hajime, and Fuyuhiko. 

But now his feelings for Nekomaru _specifically_ started to cut deeper, and he wasn’t sure why, but what he _did_ know was that he wanted to see him.

It was probably just because he was still flustered from yesterday. 

No big deal! 

Maybe he just needed to go hang out with him for a while to get the awkwardness out. It would be like a silent way of putting the whole weird “hey-you-made-me-realize-I-like-men” situation to rest. 

—

Nekomaru was supposed to be setting up the fire pit. 

What he heard when he got to the second island sounded more like a fight club. 

  
  


**“AKANE!!! HIT ME WITH SOME MORE COAL!!”**

“YOU GOT IT OLD MAN!!” 

The muscular girl manhandled a burlap sack at the tied end, and in one swift motion she lifted it off the sand and threw it across the small stretch of beach with  _ impressive  _ strength. Nekomaru lunged and caught it in midair, and  _ tore the thing apart _ releasing the contents into a shallow pit bordered with stone and wood. 

_ God  _ he could crush someone’s skull with those arms. 

“THAT LOOKS ABOUT RIGHT!! OH- Hey!! Kazuichi!! Didn’t see you standing there!! You like what you see?”

When he realized he was being talked to, he snapped himself out of whatever trance he got himself into. 

“HUH?! OH!! UH, YEAH! YOU LOOK GREAT!”

FUCK. 

“WAIT NOT YOU- THE FIRE PIT!! YEAH! Not that you look BAD or anything!”

“HAHAHAHA!! I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN! Thank ya though!!”

Kazuichi nervously smiled at Nekomaru’s bright grin, and then out of nowhere was put into an affectionate headlock by Akane.

“KAZ! What’s goin’ on you puny lil man?!” 

“HURGK- not much! Just came to see if you two needed help, but by the looks of it ya got everything covered- I-I’ll head out, I don’t wanna get in your way!!” 

Akane released her grip and mussed his wild hair. 

“Aw, c'mon! Stay a while! We were just aboutta take a break anyway!” 

“You sure?”

“Totally!! We’ve been workin’ all day and haven’t seen anyone besides each other! Pull up some sand n’ chill for a bit!” 

Guess he had no choice. 

Akane grabbed him by his sleeve and pulled him over to a small patch of ground nearby, and then tailed after her larger companion. He plopped down and crossed his legs and waited for the two of them to come over with refreshments with a hand under his chin. 

The two of them looked so happy. 

Akane could always make Nekomaru laugh, which was something he was never not jealous of. It wasn’t just any laugh- it was the kind of genuine laughter that shook the walls and sounded like pure joy. 

Nekomaru hoisted a cooler over his shoulders with ease and started back over to where they decided to congregate. He was wearing a casual pair of shorts and a navy tank top, and his usually combed back hair was messy and falling in his face from the sea spray, his whole demeanor relaxed and his muscles on display for everyone to see. 

…So what if he found Nekomaru attractive? Who wouldn’t? It didn’t make anything weird, they were still just friends and he just so happened to be into guys.

It wasn’t like he was planning on asking him on a date.

“WE’RE BACK!!” 

Nekomaru set the cooler down in the sand and popped it open. 

“Do you want water or… a fruity something!” 

Kazuichi tilted his head to the side. 

“What’s the fruity-something?” 

“HEH, not sure!!! I think it might be some kind of knockoff! We just kinda grabbed whatever!” 

“... I’ll take water.”

“MORE FOR ME!!” Akane yelled. 

Nekomaru nonchalantly tossed a bright pink bottle at Akane and a clear one at Kazuichi. He had to lean over to catch it and almost dropped it, but he managed to play it off. 

Akane took a large swig and made a sour expression followed by a blunt cough. 

“... It tastes like pepto?” 

“Haha,  _ gross.”  _

Nekomaru chuckled and Akane unsurprisingly kept drinking the mystery fluid. 

“SO!! KAZUICHI!! How’s your day been!! Anything interesting to report?!”

He uncrossed his legs and rested his arms on his knees, and thought for a brief moment about the events of the day so far. 

“WELL… I got up kind of late so anything before 10 is beyond me, but I talked to Hajime for like, what, 30 minutes? I had a few uh- questions I needed to ask him… Also did either of you know that he’s trans? Because like I JUST found that out today.”

Akane nodded and Nekomaru made a noise of agreement. 

“WAIT, SERIOUSLY?! HOW AM I THE ONLY PERSON WHO DIDN’T KNOW?”

“Kazuichi, you’ve never seen him without a shirt.” 

“I just thought he was modest!!”

The two chuckled at his last comment and he blushed, twirled the thin braid dangling from his hair, and barked out a nervous laugh feeling incredibly stupid. 

“UH WELL… ANYWAY. MOVING ON!”

Akane leaned over and put her elbow on his shoulder. As a regular display of affection, he reached over and stroked her hair nonchalantly while going on about the router, Mikan and Ibuki’s spontaneous cart race, and the fact that he was going to be working with Nagito later, so if his cottage exploded they would know why. 

“HAH!! That guy still freaks me out a little!! But don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly happy at the progress he’s been making with his mental health! Couldn’t have coached him better myself!”

Kazuichi shrugged the shoulder without Akane on it and scratched his chin. 

“Yeah, I mean, he seems  _ nice  _ enough, but I still… I still get freaked out that one day he might snap again like i-in the program or when he first woke up, y’know? It’s kind of hard to be in the same room with the guy who nearly killed you during a breakdown...

Actually, that’s uh, kind of hypocritical.”

Akane suddenly grabbed Kazuichi around the neck and gave him another noogie, but this time with more force.

“Yeah, dummy!! We’ve all done crazy terrible shit, Nagito’s brain is just a little fucked up!! Look, the dude clearly wants to be your friend. I don’t understand half of what he says, but he can actually be really considerate when he tries to be?”

“GHK- I guess so.”

Nekomaru leaned over and wound up laying on the ground with a gentle puff of sand. 

“Hajime really has a way with people, but he has something special with Nagito. They really care about each other, it’s actually pretty sweet!”

He flashed that  _ damn smile  _ again, and Kazuichi felt his heart do cartwheels. 

He’s gotta do  _ something  _ about these dumb feelings or else he might explode and everyone would have to clean up his guts from the beach instead of having a party. 

He blushed again. He couldn’t do anything about it besides keep talking and hope that nobody would notice that he couldn’t take his eyes off of his sweet face. 

“Y-you know, It seems like a lot of people here have been gettin’ together recently, I wouldn’t be surprised if he and Nagito were a thing… like we already have Sonia and Gundham, Imposter and Ryota- geez has he come out of his cottage to eat recently? Anyway, uh, Mahiru and Hiyoko, I  _ think  _ Mikan and Ibuki, and you two-“

Akane quickly detached herself from her pink companion and looked at him with a raised eyebrow and a curled lip. 

“Waitwaitwait- what?”

“You mean me and  _ Akane _ ?”

Kazuichi blinked. 

“Uhhh, yeah? Y’all are dating, right?”

There was a pause, and as if it was on cue, Akane and Nekomaru exploded in the same boisterous laughter. 

“WHAT!?”

“HAHAHAHAHA- HHHOOLY SHIT- AS IF I COULD EVER BE ALL LOVEY DOVEY WITH THIS SWEATY OLD MAN?! PFFFFFT- THAT’S THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE  _ EVER _ HEARD YOU SAY, KAZUICHI!!”

“GYAHAHAHAH!! AKANE AND I ARE BEST FRIENDS!!”

“But you guys are alone together all the time!!”

“Uh, yeah,  _ Training _ . Neko’s just my coach!! No “ _ extracurricular activities _ ” if you get my drift.” 

“Our relationship is strictly professional and platonic, 110 percent!! BESIDES, AH- She’s… not my type.”

With that statement Nekomaru looked away and rubbed the underside of his nose. 

“Huh!! That’s… surprising.”

Gears turned in his head. 

He noticed his bottle of water was nearly empty. 

The silence broke when Teruteru appeared from around the corner of the beach house with a serving spoon on his hip. 

“Kazuichi sugar! Hajime’s lookin’ for you! Somethin ’bout a router?”

“AH!! Coming!! This was great, but I gotta, y'know, head out and work on stuff-“

Nekomaru grinned and pushed himself up on his thigh. “Go ahead, we get it!!! Besides, Akane and I should probably start setting up seats! We’ll catch ya later at the party, ’Kay?”

Seeing that smile again made Kazuichi feel warm and limp and. weird. 

If this was what a genuine crush felt like, he wasn’t sure if his heart could take it in the long run. 

He realized he was staring. 

“AH!! Right! Later!! Catch y’all later!”

_ WHY _ did he say later twice. What was even worse was that while he was awkwardly shuffling away backwards he nearly tripped over some damn ass rock. 

Smooth, man. 

——

He was so tired. 

Hajime informed him that he had gotten the okay on setting up the internet on the island, but he really didn’t want to get started on it right now. 

He felt like shit for not doing anything else to help with prep, and he felt like shit in general too. Today felt a lot longer than it was. Even though it was only 6 pm, he wanted to go to bed. 

_ So  _ much had happened in one day. He pretty much had to accept that he was gay in a few hours, when most people got to sort all that out over weeks or months. And not only that, but the source of his frustrations didn’t seem to subside. 

He didn’t  _ want to  _ catch feelings. Crushes are stupid and stupidly hard to deal with, and movies make it seem like the best thing since sliced cheese. 

Bullshit. 

Nekomaru was one of his closest friends. He was someone he could laugh with and do stupid shit with, and he didn’t really want to lose the relationship they had for as long as they weren’t despairs. Now he felt like he couldn’t even look at him straight without stuttering or involuntarily making it weird or feeling awful, like he was undressing him with his eyes when he just wanted to see him smile again. 

Fuck. 

God. Just imagining him taking off a shirt made his breath hitch. 

He started to think that he might’ve been using the image of Sonia to block out the possibility of him even  _ thinking _ about guys in that way.

It was a lot to take in, and not letting his mind wander was proving to be a challenge. 

Maybe it would be easier if he just let it happen. Who cares if he’s ready or not, right? It’s not like he deserved any special privileges. 

He rolled over in bed and kicked off his remaining sock. 

He thought about Nekomarus’ lips. They were really pretty and full, and appeared softer than the rest of his body which was hardened and muscular. 

He’s never kissed anyone before, except maybe this one girl in fifth grade as a dare, but he wouldn’t mind kissing Nekomaru. 

He imagined his head turning ever so slightly to invite him in closer, while he sits in his lap and straddles his toned thighs. The curves of his lips would explore his with reckless abandon and part his mouth unapologetically. He wanted someone to push him down and take control, to trace the lines of his hips and grind against his thin frame while his mouth explored all that it could. 

It was  _ electrifying _ . His heart kept fluttering and pumping blood in all the right places.

He pawed at the tent in his boxers and pushed his face into his pillow to muffle the off chance that he would moan, but he only felt his breath shudder after he pulled down the elastic. 

He wanted to be touched. He wanted someone to hold his hands down and do what they wanted to him, whatever they could do to make him a shaking, wide eyed and pleading mess. He wanted to say that he didn’t care who, that he would go for anyone who would be down, but all he saw was angular golden eyes and tan skin. 

Warmth coiled in his stomach and everything from the tip of his dick to his hips twitched with an undeniable need to be pushed over the edge.

“ _ fffffffuck- _ “

He bit down on his lip as the slow release came over his body and shook him to his core. His lips parted themselves in a silent plea and he let himself fall apart, his voice catching in his throat. 

He stayed there for a minute or five, letting his body come back down from the high. 

Gross. 

He’s so fucking gross. 

——

He felt bad for just  _ looking _ at Nekomaru during the last round of work the next day. Anyone would feel weird trying to be casual with the source of their jerk-off material, but it was worse considering their relationship was already platonic. No matter how many times he told himself that everything was okay, that everything would  _ be  _ okay, all he could manage to do was freak out and stress over the whole situation. He felt like he was twelve years old and his mom just caught him on some dirty website, except much more personal. 

Distracting himself with busywork seemed like the only option right now, so he stuck himself in the colder-than-a-snowman’s-asscrack kitchen cleaning the rust and grime off of the dated appliances. It was mindless and gave him something to do with his hands, which he liked. 

If he could keep this up for the next few hours without anyone barging in, he might be able to calm himself down enough to-

“SOUDA-KUN! Are you busy right now? I was wondering when would be a good time for me to come by your cottage like we talked about!”

_ Perfect.  _

He forgot about the little “playdate” he had scheduled yesterday. 

He took a deep breath and threw the dirty rag he was using in the sink, not turning around to look at him. 

“Hey Nagito. I actually am a little busy with kitchen duty right now so can you go- I dunno, find Hajime or something?”

“Hajime’s busy making cookies at the hotel, so he told me to look for you! I can help in here though!!”

As much as he was trying to convince himself that he loved cleaning counters and crusty barbecue pits, it wasn’t really his idea of something that he wanted to do. He paused a moment and remembered the project that he was so excited to work on yesterday, and figured he could use a break. Plus it couldn’t hurt to bring Nagito along. 

“Actually, I just thought of something else you could help me with!” 

“Oh?”

“Yeah! But we have to get out of here quickly so Peko doesn’t catch me slacking, got it?”

“Ooh!! How rebellious! It’s like I’m living the high school experience I never got to have because of my chronic illness!”

“...Okay….. we have to go to my cottage first and grab something, then we’re going to electric avenue. You up for it?”

“Absolutely!”

Kazuichi gave the enthusiastic Nagito a thumbs up, mouthed “GO,” and the two busted out of the small room, down the hall and out the door before the former ultimate swordswoman could reprimand them for acting stupid.

The duo got about to the beginning of the boardwalk before Nagito got out of breath and had to sit down for a moment, so Souda got the box of parts from behind his door and a yellow bandanna to put his hair up with. “It’s hard to work with hair falling in your face,” he always says.

He pulled nagito off the ground, not minding the fact that he had bits of sand in his sweater, and the two of them took the short walk to the third island. Kazuichi didn't say much besides the occasional “oh” or “mm” in response to Nagito’s chattering about whatever was going on in his life at the moment. 

“Are you excited?”

“...huh? About what?”

“The party! I was just talking about how I’ve never been invited to parties, and the last one I went to ended badly!” 

“Oh… yeah. That.” 

Nagito had a bad habit of bringing up bitter memories without even realizing what he was saying. A cold wind rushed through them and nipped souda’s nose as they walked across the bridge, almost as if it was perfectly timed. Nagito kept that same soft grin on his face, appearing blissfully unphased.

“You sound troubled! I promise I won’t pull any more elaborate schemes this time, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m happy here!” 

Souda wanted to be nice to the guy, he really did, but no matter what his words always came out with an edge. It didn’t help that he had other frustrating things going on that added to his sour tone.

“Well I sure hope you are. Teruteru’s still scared to go in the kitchen alone, y’know.” 

Nagito went quiet, and Kazuichi knew he fucked up. 

The rest of the trip was awkwardly silent, and the next time Souda spoke they were already at the old electronics store. 

“Okay so- I need help finding a certain piece before I fix anything, can you help me with that?” 

“Yes.” 

“A’ight,” he crouched down, sat on his knees and pulled out the busted motherboard from the case of the router and its parts. He handed the small green piece to nagito, and he gently took it in his non-robotic hand, studying it with his inquisitive grey gaze. “Can you dig through some of the janked up things in here and see if you can find a board that matches the number on that one? The size doesn’t matter, but it would be convenient if you could find a similar one.”

“Ah, sure!” 

“Cool, cool, very kewl…” 

Nagito began trudging through the piles of boxes, trash and appliances, and Souda began setting up all of his necessary pieces. Right before he could get his hands on his screwdriver, he heard a familiar tired voice from a few meters away.    
  


“Will this work?”

He looked up to see nagito holding a chip that was a perfect fucking match.

“wHU-HEY!! Look at you! Mr. Ultimate Luck is back in business, I see!”

The other man giggled and brought it back over to the mechanic. Kazuichi set it in place, and nagito crouched and held his knees to watch him work. A silence fell over the two that neither of them liked very much.

“Hey uh, sorry for like, what I said earlier. That was uncalled for.”

“S’fine.”

“No, it's not fine. You can tell me if things aren't fine, you know.” 

“No, no, I get it! My feelings only get in the way, so why bother being worried about them? You can take your frustrations out on me! I don’t mind!” 

Kazuichi was about to snap back, but then he realized this was _ Nagito _ he was talking to. He had less self esteem than a worm on the pavement, and he was more likely being earnest in his words instead of sarcastic. You had to be gentle with him.   
  


“Dude, you know that’s not true, c’mon. Your feelings matter just as much as mine.”

He kept the same smile plastered on his face. “Ah, r-right. I’m sorry.” 

Souda pointed the screwdriver at Nagito’s chest with a gentle smile. “Don't be sorry! You’re actually doin’ a lot better than you used to, the old Nagito would’ve gone off onto a tangent about how he’s  _ “worthless trash who doesn’t deserve to be blessed by the hope of an ultimate,”  _ or whatever.” 

Nagito nervously laughed and pulled at a strand of his hair. 

“I’ve been ah… working on some things. I’m really lucky to be f…  _ friends _ , with you guys.” 

Nagito said the word “friends” as if it was hard for him to say, almost a whisper. 

Souda smiled and went back to looking for the right connection points in the box, but then came up with a new point of conversation.

“Soooooooooo, speaking of friends… What's the deal with you and Hajime?” He said this with a shit eating grin, the same one he gave Hajime the other day.

Nagito’s cheeks pinked, and his bright smile returned with it. “Ah!! Hajime is so nice and kind to everyone! He always knows what to do or where to go, and I admire him very much. I really enjoy his companionship and I'm really grateful for how generous he’s been to someone like me!” 

“Well, yeah, I totally agree. But we all know about  _ Hajime,  _ I’m talking about Hajime and  _ you. _ You two are awfully close, if ya catch my drift.” 

Nagito pulled his knees closer to his chest, and Kazuichi worked as he talked.

“I would agree with that… but it would be selfish of me to ask for anything beyond friendship. Even if- uh, never mind.” 

“Talk to me, man.” 

He rubbed circles in the fabric of his pants. 

“I don't understand why he cares about me so much, but I um… I like it. I  _ like _ that he likes being with me. It feels like I don’t deserve it, but nothing really awful has happened so far, with the way my luck goes. He makes me… happy.” 

The guy looked as if he was about to cry. Kazuichi couldn’t see his face completely, but his eyes were stormy. He just listened while he sparked the new chip in. 

“When he spends the night with me or when he goes out of his way to talk to me, it feels warm. Even though i’m cold all the time. I hate being cold. It reminds me of...  _ regrettable _ things. I don't feel warm like that with anyone else.” 

He liked where this was going! 

“Sounds like you got a bit of a crush on our boy Hajime!”

This startled Nagito out of his small stance. “NH- y-you can’t just say that!!” 

“Why not?” 

He grabbed at the sides of his head, his fingers dipping into his curls. 

“BECAUSE!! That’s how these things work!! I can’t just get too comfortable! I’m happy with what we have a-and if I ask for more, it’ll all fall apart!! This whole life I made could fall apart! If we just…  _ keep doing what we’re doing _ and I don’t let him know about my feelings _ thennnnn _ it’ll be okay! If Hajime finds out that I love-- " 

And then, Nagito froze, a look of fear stricken on his face. 

Kazuichi decided he did  _ not _ , in fact, like where this was going.

“I said too much. I have to go.”

Nagito stood up in a flash, but Souda saw it coming and grabbed his hand.

“Woah woah woah woah, where’re you going?? Siddown, it’s okay man, you’re okay.”

He looked paler than he already was, and was even more startled by the sudden contact. Komaeda, shakily and slowly melted back down onto the ground. He didn’t say anything and pressed his real hand against his mouth, grey eyes now more watery blue.

_ “I’m okay…” _

“Yeah, you're okay. Hey, look at me.” 

Nagito craned his head, and Souda had to summon all of the people skills he had in his arsenal.

“Mnnh??”

“I’ll let you in on somethin, okay? As Hajime’s best friend and soul friend, I know  _ almost  _ everything about him. I don’t know a lot about your relationship with him specifically, but I know he likes you a  _ lot.  _ In my opinion I think it wouldn't be too terrible for you to push that crazy luck of yours and tell him how you feel.” 

_ “You- you think he would have those kinds of feelings for me?” _

His voice was so quiet, like he didn’t want anyone else in the room to hear.

“I’m like, 100 percent sure he’s head over heels.” 

Kazuichi is by no means a relationship counselor. He tries his best.

The other boy finally,  _ finally  _ managed to crack a small smile.

“Thank you.” 

Maybe Nagito wasn’t really  _ that  _ weird. 

“No prob! Also like, between you and me, you’re not the only one dealing with feelings they don’t like on this island.”

At this, Nagito’s interest was piqued- He seemed very eager to stop being morose.

“Oh? Are you still upset that Sonia chose Gundham over you? I’m sorry, but I don’t think they’re ever going to break up…” 

Nagito seemed upset- not for Sonia, but for Souda. He was always very supportive of Souda’s romantic pursuits, now that he thought about it.

“...Nnnnno. I'm over her. This is different.” 

He rearranged himself into a more invested stance, leaning in closer. He reminded Souda of a cat that just saw something intriguing wiggling around on the carpet. 

“Go on?”

“Nekomaru made me realize that i’m gay.”

Nagito didn’t move from his position at all, but his eyes widened in surprise. Kazuichi could tell that he wouldn’t be getting any more work done today. 

“Is  _ that  _ why you ran away the other day after he picked you up? I thought you were just embarrassed that you ate dirt in front of everyone! Wow!” 

“Eeeeeyeah, thanks Komaeda.”

“But  _ wow _ , this is a wonderful opportunity for you! You’ve been so very lonely recently and Nekomaru is so very single, it’s just your luck that you’d fall for him!” Nagito grabbed his hands and beamed, “Ahh, i've been wanting you to be happy with someone else for a while now!”

Souda was taken aback by this sudden 180 in Nagito’s personality, but his joy was pure and genuine enough to appreciate it. 

“Woah dude, I-I didn’t say I was gonna ask him out! Like sure I think he’s-  _ really nice and well built _ \- but I just figured this all out the other day!”

“Still, it would be nice to try! He  _ is  _ one of your closest friends, after all.”

“ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT-“ he protested, “I-I’ll see what happens! Maybe!” 

Another fast pause fell on the two, Nagito still keeping his infectious smile and Kazuichi wincing at the thought of him blushing like a schoolgirl with some sort of written confession. 

Then, he had a brilliant idea. 

“...If you think Nekomaru and I would be a good couple because we’re already good friends, then why won’t you take the next step with Hajime?”

“Ah- um- what exactly do you… mean?”

“Tell him that you like him! C’mon dude, you’ve at least got to try!”

“Ohhhh... ohh I don’t know… What if I pressure him too much? Being  _ together-  _ I’m not sure if he would want that of me. I don’t want him to think that this is what I owe him for all of his kindness…”

“Do you want that future with him?”

Nagito stopped and his face turned positively red. 

“A-a future?  _ I wanna spend every day with him!  _ Does that make me selfish?! Please don’t let it make me selfish!”

“Nah man. It makes you crazy in love.”

“I guess so… still, I think that I should wait for him to confess to me first. I don’t want him to feel as if he  _ has  _ to accept my feelings, because I’m… you know,  _ me _ .”

Souda found that to be very smart on his part. Hajime would probably feel like if he didn’t accept his feelings then Nagito would spiral into self deprecation again.

“-Also, I mean, we’ve only slept together once or twice, so that clearly doesn’t mean mu-“

Souda put up his hands in a “stop” signal at the notion of this. “WAAAAIT wait wait waitwait. Back up. Slept together as in like, a sleepover? Or slept together as in…”

“Oh! Both! We’ve had sex.” 

“WHAT??!”

Kazuichi nearly fell over onto his partially completed project. 

_ “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’VE HAD SEX?!” _

“You know, you get undressed and-“

“I KNOW WHAT SEX IS!! I just- you- Nagito, you and Hajime _fucked_ and you don’t think he loves you back?! That’s a… that’s a _really_ _big_ step in any relationship, and I don’t think Hajime would let just anybody do that with him.”

Nagito cocked his head and pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs. 

“It’s really not that big of a deal, Souda-kun… it’s just something to do that feels nice. I’d let people use me all the time in high school if they needed it.”

Souda pressed his middle fingers against his temples. 

“Ohhhhhkay um. Nagito, I don’t think that those people- er… how do I respond to this… being-  _ that close _ to someone- for most people it isn’t just a way to  _ feel good.  _ Like there’s a reason why it’s also called “ _ making love.”  _ Hajime barely lets people see him with his shirt unbuttoned, and he’s not the type of person to… use you. Like I said before, he really cares about you man. Are you sure he doesn’t love you back?” 

Nagito appeared to be genuinely confused. 

“So you’re saying…. Hinata-kun does all of these things… because he- he loves me?” 

His final words came out like they were choked off, as if he had never said those words before in his life and they hurt to come out. 

“ _ Yeeeessss _ .”

Nagito was silent for a moment, his blue-grey eyes darting around while he thought things over. He then suddenly stiffened up and looked at Kazuichi like a deer in the headlights. 

_ “Oh my god?” _

“DO YA GET IT NOW??” 

Nagito quickly stood up as wobbly as a baby deer with a very frantic expression on his face, conveying a sense of urgency.

“I-I have to go!! I have to go right now on account of I have very important things to do!! Thank you Souda!! I hope you get your device figured out but I have to leave!”

Souda barked out a laugh and gave him a thumbs up of approval. 

“GO YOU CRAZY KID!! I BELIEVE IN YA!!”

Nagito grinned and dashed out of Electric Avenue to find his man, and he just narrowly avoided eating shit on the pavement on his way out. 

Souda chuckled and shook his head. He sure wasn’t a matchmaker by any stretch of the imagination, but he felt pretty good knowing that he did something towards helping those two quit dancing around each other like a couple of lovesick teenagers. Maybe they’d even be smoochin’ it up by tonight.

… Christ. 

Why were other people's relationship problems so much easier to fix than his own? The more he thought about those two, the more jealousy twinged in his stomach. The fact that  _ Nagito _ of all people could find his soulmate before Souda did had his guts tied in knots. 

He didn’t like being this lonely all over again. 

He screwed in the motherboard too tight and it snapped in half.

——

It was finally time for the party. 

Souda didn’t have much in the way of festive clothing, but he did have a red long sleeved tee shirt that seemed Christmas-y enough. He pulled on a black beanie, made sure he looked okay in the mirror, and then decided to pull on a pair of fingerless gloves as well. 

The shirt made him look too skinny for his liking, so he grabbed a green hoodie to go with his outfit. 

He  _ did  _ always like the way he looked in form fitting clothes, but at the same time he felt… bad. 

Maybe going to this party was a bad idea. 

Sure he’s known these people for most of his adult life, but the more he looked at himself in the mirror the more he thought about every single way he could fuck something up. He could say something uncomfortable or he could cause a scene again, or worse he could-

There was a knock at his door. 

“AH- COMING!”

He went to the front of his cottage and opened his door to find nobody other than Nekomaru himself leaning on his door frame. 

“Hey Souda!! Party’s started ten minutes ago n’ everyone was wondering where ya were! You doing okay bud?”

Why why  _ why  _ did Nekomaru Nidai have to be so  _ kind and sweet and thoughtful all the time?? _

His mouth felt dry and he found it hard to speak for himself. 

“O-oh, yeah, y'know! Just trying to uh, get an outfit together I guess? Don’t wanna show up underdressed or overdressed or medium-dressed, it’s hard!” 

Nekomaru chuckled and put his hands on his hips. 

“HA! You look great, don’t worry about it!! Ibuki brought all kinds of Christmas accessories, so she can hook you up if you want a hat or whatever! C’mon!”

Souda felt his heart drum in his ears any time Nekomaru looked at him with that  _ damn smile  _ of his. Plus, the fact that he went out of his way to make sure that he was doing alright was enough to make his worries disappear. He grinned and followed Nekomaru outside. 

The two of them walked down the boardwalk in comfortable silence, Souda with his hands in his pockets and trying not to look at his friend who looked  _ very  _ handsome in a cable knit sweater. When they finally got to the party area, Souda was stunned at how pretty the whole building and surrounding beach looked. The hotel, patio and old building were strung up with twinkle lights and there were lamps lit up all across the beach, giving the world a soft honey-colored glow in the night. Festive music played softly from inside the building.

“Wow…”

“Pretty cool huh?”

“Yeah!! You guys really did a number on this place, it looks fantastic! How did you even manage to get up there to hook the lights up?”

“You’d be surprised at how high Akane can jump.”

The mental image of the brunette jumping straight up onto the roof made him erupt with laughter, which made Nidai lose it as well. 

When the two of them got to the old building, they weren’t even through the door when Ibuki greeted them with hugs and unceremoniously stuck a pair of fabric reindeer antlers on Souda’s head. He noticed that she was wearing two small Santa hats on the tips of her hair horns, which he thought was both clever and funny. 

The party itself went a lot better than he had expected. Hajime, Teruteru, Mikan and Sonia had spent the day making all kinds of cookies and snacks, and there was even a gingerbread house adorning the center of the table. The music was bright and upbeat and everyone had time to catch up on recent events. For what felt like the first time in forever, it seemed like they could just be happy and not worry about work or renovations or the future foundation- they could just  _ be.  _ Souda saw Ryota for the first time in weeks, and he looked a lot better than he used to; his eyes were bright and his hair was long enough to wear in a ponytail. He had a festive sweater on with something in English written on it, but the most important thing was that he was happy and doing well standing next to the Imposter. 

Mikan had made a lot of progress in her recovery, and during the course of the night she had personally thanked Souda for being one of the few people who noticed that something was very wrong with her health a few months ago and actually took action. 

It was scary knowing that she could’ve died after everything that had happened; Unlike Fuyuhiko and Nagito, what she had done to herself with Enoshima’s body wasn’t noticeable on the surface. There was such a stark difference between the Mikan from a few months ago collapsed on the bathroom floor in septic shock and full of despair, and the Mikan he hugged that night who was giggling and healthy and sporting a very fitting pixie cut. 

Hiyoko and Mahiru danced together and twirled around, clearly enjoying themselves and getting tipsy from the drinks provided, all the while everyone continued to chat and mingle. Ibuki hooked up a karaoke machine and got a few people to sing carols  _ very badly,  _ but Souda decided to stay back during that part of the night. He was more than fine leaning on the south side wall nursing a glass of eggnog. 

He was starting to get sleepy. 

He didn’t really know why he was acting so avoidant tonight; usually he would be the one singing it up in broken English and bringing energy to the party. 

Maybe he was still a little hesitant to be “himself” after all this time. 

At least he saw Nagito and Hajime holding hands at some point during their song, which made him happy that Nagito had taken his advice. 

He sighed and crossed his arms. At this point he was ready to go home, until Nekomaru came over and leaned on the wall next to him. 

“Hey.”

“Oh! H-Hey man! What’s, what’s up? What’s going on?” 

“Ehhh, not much!! I’m not the type of guy for karaoke and all that, and you looked lonely over here by yourself! Is everything okay man?”

Nekomaru gave him a soft gaze that reminded him of a happy cat, and he could feel his knees go weak. God, out of everyone why did it have to be  _ him?  _

“I’m fine!! Really! Just feeling a little...  _ off _ s’all… I know I’m supposed to be enjoying the party but…” 

“Yeah man, I get it! Just not feeling it tonight?”

Souda swirled his drink in his glass. 

“I haven’t been feeling it for a while.” 

Nekomaru grunted and gave Souda a pat on the shoulder, then crossed his arms with a soft smirk. 

Souda felt strange, for lack of a better word. He felt fuzzy and warm, but at the same time empty and floating on the edge of the rest of the world. Maybe it was just the alcohol talking. Maybe it was the fact that Nekomaru was right next to him and the fact that he cared so much. 

His trance was suddenly broken by a familiar peppy voice in the middle of it all. 

“OOOOH, look at who’s under the mistletoeeee!!”

Mistletoe? What the fuck is a mistletoe? All he could see was Ibuki looking excited and Fuyuhiko smirking like the smug bastard he is. He looked up and some kind of weed was stuck on the ceiling. Whatever the reason, Nidai looked startled. 

Ibuki clapped her hands and continued her previous interjection in a sing-song tone. “You know what  _ THAT  _ means!!”

“Come on Kaz, you gotta give the man a kiss!”

A FUCKING  _ WHAT? _

Souda was so taken aback by this that he dropped his glass on the floor and put up his hands. A KISS? He had to KISS _NEKOMARU_ because of some _PLANT_? Oh god what was even happening. His face was hot all over again and he felt like he couldn’t think. 

“HAHA, WHAT?! N- NOBODY SAID ANYTHING ABOUT KISSING, I MEAN, LOOK AT MY TEETH!! I COULDN’T POSSIBLY-“

Then, Nekomaru did the unthinkable. 

“HAHA! WHY THE HELL NOT?”

_ HELLO?  _

“HUH?!”

Nekomaru turned to Souda and rubbed the back of his head, his face slightly flushed. 

“Some kind of American tradition I guess? Don’t worry about it! Kissin’ doesn’t require much practice!”

WHAT IN GOD'S NAME WAS EVEN GOING ON RIGHT NOW. 

Souda was at a complete loss for words, his spine straight as a line and feeling way too warm in his sweater and hoodie. He didn’t even register that there were other people in the room. The world stopped when Nekomaru gently rubbed his thumb under his lip. 

“Just relax, okay?”

What he meant to say was “okay.” What came out was “Aaaahahhh?” 

He leaned down, and Souda finally found out how soft his lips were. 

It was just a gentle peck on the side of Souda’s already parted mouth, but  _ god  _ the way he took extra care in making sure that the kiss wasn’t uncomfortable and how good it felt made him  _ melt.  _

He didn’t know how long it was, maybe only a few seconds, but it was so long and too short all the same. 

When he pulled away he barely even noticed that anything had changed, but he still remained standing on legs made of jello. Nekomaru stopped for half of a second a hair's length away from Kazuichi’s nose, and Souda just barely caught the way he looked at him when his eyes fluttered open. 

Souda stood for a moment in shock and almost fell over before coming back down to earth at the sound of Ibuki cheering for him and Fuyuhiko’s applause. 

Nekomaru must’ve noticed that he was a little out of it, because the next thing he heard him say was 

“Uh, you okay kazuichi?” 

“HUH?!”

Souda realized that he was touching his bottom lip where he had kissed him, and quickly brought it down. After all that had happened, he could only say one thing.

“ _ Hhhhhhhhhholy shit dude.” _

“HAHAHAHAHA, I KNOW, RIGHT??”

He had no idea what happened next besides Nekomaru giving Souda a rocky side hug, and all he could do was laugh nervously after all the adrenaline. 

Holy shit.

He  _ kissed  _ him. 

He could only think about how much he wanted to kiss him again as he watched him walk away. 

-

Souda sat on a log adjacent to Sonia and Nagito on either side, listening in to conversation around the fire pit. Teruteru was telling a story about a mess that happened in the kitchen earlier that was heavily implied to be the fault of Nagito’s bad luck, but it was told in a way that was lighthearted and didn’t blame him- Souda saw Nagito laughing along with the rest of them. He didn’t say much, but he was feeling better than he had been 15 minutes ago. 

Maybe it was because he got kissed by the guy he had a thing for that night, or maybe it was the fresh air, but either way he was happy to not have to deal with his anxiety as much anymore. 

He looked at Nekomaru sitting across from him on the other side of the pit who was handing Akane her fifth s’more. 

Maybe this “thing” he had for him was less of a “thing” and more of a “crush,” because all he could think of was how much he wanted to kiss him again and how good he looked in a sweater. 

Nekomaru caught him staring from across the fire. He grinned and waved, to which Souda flushed and looked away. 

Sonia, the former object of his affections, was talking to hiyoko on the adjacent log and sitting next to him. 

She was wonderful.

He knew he fixated on her so much because she was an ideal girl to project on, but truly, Sonia was a lovely person. She was brave, funny, strong and smart. She was a good person and a good friend, and she always made sure everyone knew they were cared for. 

And it hurt Souda’s heart that he had treated her so fucking badly as a kid. 

“H-hey, um, Sonia?”

“Hm? What is it Kazuichi?”

She had on that smile that was plastered on when she was unsure, the kind of smile where her eyes say otherwise. 

Souda gulped and coughed, and didn’t really know what to do with his hands, but for now he could man up and tell her what he should’ve said a long time ago. 

“Sonia, I-I just wanted to say sorry. For everything. For acting so  _ stupid  _ towards you as a kid. I treated you like  _ garbage  _ instead of with the respect a woman like you deserves. I-I know you still probably think I’m a total pig and that’s okay because I wouldn’t like me either!! But basically uh. I’m sorry.”

Sonia’s expression softened and she took his hands in hers. 

“Oh, Souda! You didn’t have to apologize for me to know that you were sorry, It’s alright! You did act like a bit of a jerk, but you were also a dumb teenager! I’ve seen you change a lot in these past few months and I’m very proud of you. Any girl who is not me would be lucky to be your girlfriend.” 

Souda blushed and turned his head to the side. 

“Aw, thanks… and uh, about that. I kind of realized I was coming onto you so hard because I saw you as this “perfect girl?” a-and I thought that if I could like someone like you then I wouldn’t have to accept that I was uh. Gay.”

  
  


Sonia’s eyes got wide, and she gave him a real smile. 

“Soudaaa!! I’m even  _ more _ proud of you now! This is wonderful! You’re finally accepting yourself for who you are!!”

Souda rubbed the back of his head nonchalantly. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m still working on a few things, but y'know-“

Sonia gave his hand one last squeeze and beamed. 

“Thank you for telling me.”

Souda’s heart fluttered for a different reason now, and it felt like a weight was just taken off of his shoulders.

He asked Nagito to hand him the Graham crackers so he could join in on the s’more making and actually enjoy himself that night. 

-

No matter how he tried, Souda could  _ not  _ stop thinking about Nekomaru kissing him on the night of the party. There was something about the way he held his chin that made his stomach do backflips in the best way, and every part of his body wanted more of  _ him.  _

Nekomaru Nidai was  _ wonderful _ . He was loud and funny and big and everything Souda wasn’t. The only thing they shared in common was being good friends with each other. He wanted to hold him and let him play with his hair and spend more time with him, he wanted him to pin him against the wall and make him a mess. Everything about him was just… 

“Perfect.”

As Souda said that last word out loud while lying awake in bed, he realized something very important. 

He was in love. 

Souda didn’t want to be in love, and especially not this early. There were other things to focus on that were more important, like making sure that everyone was taken care of and that there wasn’t any despair left in the world. He didn’t have time to be thinking about Nekomaru’s smile or his laugh or his arms or any of the things that made him lovely, which was why he was laying in bed clutching his chest at three in the morning. 

It was ridiculous for him to get so worked up over a guy, much less a guy who probably didn’t even like him back. He said that Akane, who was strong and confident and bright “wasn’t his type,” so he  _ definitely  _ wouldn’t be interested in some skinny scaredy-cat loser like himself. He didn’t even know if Nekomaru was into guys. 

He had no qualms about kissing him though, which said something.

Whatever. 

He had to stop getting his hopes up. It’s not like anything actually ever went well for him, especially when it was something he was looking forward to. 

At breakfast he didn’t eat much, and Nekomaru once again asked if he was sure that he was okay. Of course he said yes.

The worst he could do was bother anybody else with his problems. The  _ best  _ he could do was keep his head down and his mouth shut and keep working on fixing things that weren’t his stupid fucking issues. 

He spent the rest of the day huddled up in his cottage just trying to take the modem apart and put it back together to see if it worked, and maybe even reassemble it in a way that was more ergonomic. Focusing on how different parts worked and went together was always a good thing for him to get distracted with- he could get sucked in and tinker all day without a break. This was why he screamed when he heard a loud knock on his door while he was deep into his project. 

“AAAH- COMING!!”

Souda scrambled up and off the floor and made sure to move most of the mess out of the way before exposing the interior of his house to any guests. He cracked the door open and was surprised to see none other than Nekomaru once again. 

“H-hey man! What’s up!”

“Souda.”

Nekomaru’s voice was deep and flat, and it made Souda’s heart skip a beat. 

“Y-yeah?”

“As your good friend and as the former ultimate coach, I’ve noticed that there’s  _ clearly  _ something bothering you- and don’t try to tell me there isn’t! I can tell when you’re trying to not be upset!!”

“Y-you can?”

“MHM!” Nidai nodded. “AND! You don’t have to tell me what it is, but I AM going to make you feel better no matter what it takes- and as we all know, proper exercise and sunlight is a cure all for pretty much any issue! No excuses!”

Nekomaru grabbed Souda by the shoulders, his face intense and his smile blinding. 

Souda felt heat bloom in his cheeks. “I-I’M FINE HERE!! REALLY!” 

“NOPE! YOU’RE COMIN’ WITH ME!!”

The next few moments were a blur, but what he remembers is Nekomaru taking Souda by the hand and walking- er, sprinting him over to the west side beach.

“YOU’RE GONNA RUN TWO LAPS AROUND THE ISLAND WITH ME!”

“I’M GONNA WHAT?!”

“Hey, don’t worry too much about it! We’re gonna go at an easy pace, but I wanna see you movin’!”

“Okay OKAY! But I gotta get back home soon so-“

Nidai was already jogging over to the edge of the beach, and he turned around to wave him over mid stride. 

“I’D BETTER NOT SEE YOU SLACKING, SOUDA!”

_ God  _ he was so perfect. Souda threw off his beanie, sighed, hyped himself up and went after his friend. 

——

“UGH-“

At the end of the first lap, Souda collapsed into the sand. Nekomaru, however, was still standing and breathing heavy, hands on his hips and grinning. 

“Heyyy, you can’t give up now! We just started!”

Souda felt like his lungs were about to explode and his stomach was tight. 

“I- I CAN’T- I-“

“You need some water?”

He flopped over and looked up at the man towering above him, and his face felt hot for a different reason. 

“I JUST… NEED… TO LAY HERE FOR A MINUTE…”

Nekomaru shrugged. “Eh, fair enough! We can take a break.” 

The taller man sat down in the sand and laid down opposite to Souda, putting his hands behind his head in silence. 

Souda’s mind was swimming with all kinds of thoughts and his muscles ached. He didn’t know what had happened in the past thirty minutes, except now he noticed the sun was starting to set. 

His heart wouldn’t stop beating either.

“Why… why are you doing this?”

“Doin’ what?”

He pressed his arms against his forehead. 

“Why are you so worried about me? You keep asking me if I’m okay and you’re making me get out and I  _ know _ I haven’t been myself but why me specifically? Shouldn’t you be worried about how everyone else is holding up?”

Nekomaru’s head shifted behind him. “Cuz we’re friends, aren’t we? I care about ya, man!”

Now  _ that  _ made his breath hitch for reasons other than exercise. 

“You don’t… you shouldn’t…”

“Well, why not?”

“BECAUSE I’M NOT WORTH IT, OKAY?”

He stopped. All they could hear was the rushing of the waves hitting the shore. 

“Souda.”

“I’M NOT WORTH YOUR TIME!! I’m just a jerk who can only build shit, I’m clumsy and stupid and I don’t even know how to fix my own problems!! I’m not funny like Ibuki is or reliable like Hajime or even strong like you, I’m just!! I’m just  _ SOUDA!  _ I’m a fucking loser and you shouldn’t waste your time on me, that’s why!!”

He didn’t realize he had started to cry, but hot tears welled up in his eyes and streaked down the sides of his face. His body was stiff and sore and his face burned with embarrassment. He shouldn’t have said anything. Now the guy he’s in  _ love  _ with knows how fucking worthless he really is. 

Nekomaru was silent, but Souda could feel him sit up and shift around. He sat down next to him, and the next thing he felt was two strong hands under his shoulders pulling him up off the ground, and into a tight hug.

The world stopped once again. 

Nekomaru’s arms were tight around kazuichi’s chest, one hand cupping the back of his head and the other on his side. He couldn’t breathe, but not because the hug was too tight. 

He couldn’t breathe because it was so perfect. 

“Souda… don’t ever say those things about yourself ever again, okay? You’re not a loser or a jerk or any of that shit you just said.”

Souda exhaled and rested his head on Nekomaru’s chest, and it was as wonderful as he had thought it would be. His hands gripped right to the back of his shirt. 

“You’re not clumsy or stupid, you’re _smart_ and _funny as hell_ and you’re always so full of energy, and you’re _you._ You’re _Souda._ _That’s_ why I care so much.”

“Nidai…”

He couldn’t believe this was actually happening. 

Here he was, being held so gently and being told all these wonderful things about himself by the man he had fallen for.

If he was dreaming, he wouldn’t wanna wake up. 

Nekomaru stroked the back of his head. 

“You’re my guy…”

Souda felt like his heart was going to burst. His eyes were watery again, and all he wanted to do was stay like this forever. 

When he pulled away and looked into his golden eyes, his heart ached with need.

He wanted Nidai to know how much he cared, how wonderful he made him feel, how much he wanted to be his and how much he wanted to be held like this for the rest of his life.

He told him everything he held in his heart through his lips, which collided with Nekomarus’ as the sun set under the skyline.

Nekomaru’s lips were stiff at the initial contact, but half a second later they softened and Souda felt his hand on his cheek. Nekomaru’s head tilted as he kissed him back, and Souda sighed at how wonderfully soft it was. 

He pulled away when he realized what had just happened, his face burning and eyes wide. Nekomaru looked about the same.

“Uh…”

Nekomaru beamed. 

“So I guess that’s payback for the mistletoe, huh?”

Souda buried his face in Nekomaru’s shoulder and whined, and Nidai cackled and hugged him around the small of his back while falling back onto the sand. 

Kazuichi pushed himself up on Nekomaru’s shoulders and squeezed his eyes shut. 

“AGHHHH, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO PERFECT, DAMMIT!”

“SO I GUESS THIS MEANS YOU LIKE ME BACK?”

“BACK?! I- I’VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU THIS WHOLE TIME YOU IDIOT!!”

Nekomaru only laughed and set his hands gently on the sides of Souda’s head, and kissed him once again. Every kiss he pressed to his lips was better than the last, more tender and full than anything he’d ever dreamed of. He kissed him again and again and again, on his lips and his cheeks and his forehead and all Souda could do was laugh. 

“Wait so- mPH- you really like me?! HOW?”

Nekomaru, face a dark shade of pink and still staring up at the smaller man giggled and rubbed Souda's shoulder. 

“Well ah, I’ve liked ya for a while now actually!! I just never knew how to tell ya, plus I thought you liked ladies…”

“You’re the reason I found out I DON’T like girls…”

“NO KIDDING!”

“HEHEH… A-ANYWAY UM… do you wanna go inside or something?”

Nekomaru’s eyes got dark and he smirked, dragging his thumb under Souda’s chin.

“And do what?”

Souda flushed from head to toe at the  _ implications  _ of that statement. 

“Y-YOU KNOW!! WHATEVER PEOPLE DO WHEN THEY LIKE EACH OTHER I DON’T KNOW!! IT’S GETTING DARK ANYWAY!”

Nekomaru cackled and kissed Souda once again on his temple before helping a jelly legged Souda stand up, grinning like a dork the whole time.

—

As soon as Nekomaru closed the door behind the two of them, Souda was pressed against the back of Nekomaru’s wall.

Nekomaru had his knee pressed between Souda’s legs and Souda held onto his shirt while he kissed him deep and slow.

Everything about Nekomaru was overwhelmingly intoxicating, from the way he parted his lips to the way his hands rubbed the side of Souda’s leg while he did so. He gave him one last kiss on the lips, leaving Souda’s eyes hazy and half lidded while he worked his way toward his neck.

“AH- nhhhh… Nidai…”

Nekomaru hummed in response, taking in every inch of Souda’s exposed skin. Souda felt his teeth graze his skin, and Nekomaru lifted Kazuichi’s entire body up against the door to get more leverage. His hand rested on Souda’s cheek as he nipped and kissed at the junction between his head and neck,  _ loving  _ the sweet little gasps and moans of approval Souda made in response. 

“N-Nidai…”

“Mmhm?”

“Ng- please, ah… please…”

Nekomaru hiked his hand under Souda’s ass and pressed himself closer to the smaller man’s body, using his free hand to stroke his cheek. 

“ _ Someone’s  _ been wanting this for a while…”

Nekomaru had an expression Souda couldn’t describe, his eyes dark and hungry. 

Souda couldn’t make out proper words- his brain was clouded with fog and all of his blood was going in the opposite direction. 

“ _ God  _ you’re really hot…”

Nekomaru laughed low and deep in a way that made Kazuichi shudder. He picked Souda up from under his legs, making Souda yelp in surprise, and he dropped him back against his bed in one swift motion. 

“You sure you’re okay with this, baby?”

Souda felt his dick twitch at the pet name and the fact that Nidai was taking extra care with him. 

All he could do was nod. He could barely believe that this was happening in the first place. 

Nekomaru leaned in and continued to mark up Souda’s neck. He slid a hand under his tank top and ran a hand up and down the length of his stomach, and Souda whined at the contact. He wanted more. He wanted this beautiful man to absolutely  _ destroy _ him. 

“Well I think it’s a little early for that, darlin!’”

DID HE SAY THAT OUT LOUD. 

“AAAH IM SORRY-“ Souda covered his face with his hands. 

Nekomaru sat up and beamed, still tracing the lines on Souda’s torso. 

“HEY hey, it’s alright! ‘S just  _ that  _ requires a bit of prep first and I don’t wanna hurt ya, but I can still make you feel  _ really good _ tonight if you want.” 

On that last word, Nekomaru ran a thumb across one of Souda’s nipples making him gasp. 

“ _ God,  _ **_yes.”_ **

With this Nekomaru pulled Souda’s shirt off of his limp body in one quick motion, leaving Kazuichi prone and vulnerable. 

“Y‘know, you’ve got some wonderful muscles on you…” he said, tracing the curves of his body. “Lots’a upper body strength needed to build your stuff, right? I just love the way your arms come together at the seams like a perfect machine… you really are pretty, Kazuichi.”

Souda’s heart did backflips as Nekomaru practically waxed poetic to him in the low light. 

“You think I’m... pretty?”

“Of course! Have you seen yourself? Your eyes are like starlight!”

He could cry. 

What he did was wrap his arms around Nekomaru’s neck and bury his face in his shoulder once again. He smelled nice, like vanilla and coconut shampoo. 

“Stay with me.”

He wasn’t sure why he said what he did.

Nekomaru held him back and stroked the back of his head for the second time that night. 

“Why wouldn’t I?”

Souda kissed his neck and ran his hands through his hair, grabbing at whatever he could hold. He wasn’t sure where he was going with this tonight at least, but he knew he wanted to be in Nekomaru’s arms forever. 

If not forever, at least for tonight.

—-

Souda woke up in what wasn’t his room. His memory was still fuzzy, but he was warm and didn’t want to get up. Therefore, he didn’t mind. 

There was something wrapped around his torso, which Souda came to realize was an arm. 

Nekomaru’s arm. 

There was also the fact that he was naked save for a pair of socks. 

Oh, right. That happened. 

He sighed and smiled, and pulled himself in closer to the crook of Nekomaru’s body. He knew there was gonna be stuff he had to do today, but for now he could just fall back to sleep in Nidai’s arms. 

“G’mornin, Souda…”

Souda turned over and nestled his face in his pillow. 

“Mmhh… five more minutes…”

Nekomaru chuckled and ran his hand across Souda’s head. 

“You doin’ okay?”

“Mhm… thanks for um. For last night…”

“Of course! And uh we could… you know… do that again? If you wanted?”

Souda looked up at Nekomaru, who was beginning to look a little flushed. Of course he would say yes, but there was still something he didn’t understand.

“Why do you like me?”

“Pardon?”

“I-I MEAN, YEAH! Of course! I really like… this… but I don’t understand why you like  _ me  _ in particular…”

Nekomaru smiled and took his hand. 

“Well for starters, you’re one good lookin man.”

“EH? No way!!”

“I mean it! You’ve got excellent bone structure n’ your hair is fantastic, plus you look really nice when you smile!”

Souda blushed and hid his face in the sheets. 

“Stooooop…”

“HAH! It’s true! Plus, I love how you get really excited about the stuff you care about, like machines and robots, your face just lights up and it’s so wonderful… and you’re always willing to help everyone with anything! It’s very admirable!!”

Souda was about to either cry or combust- in a good way this time. 

“I-I only recently found out that I liked dudes, and you um… you’re really  _ really  _ attractive… you’ve always been so kind and loud and brave and everything I’m not… you’re just so  _ you _ … I don’t deserve this.”

Nekomaru wrapped his arms around Souda’s chest, pulled him into a hug and pressed a kiss to his forehead. 

“You’re wonderful, Kazuichi.”

Souda rested his head on his chest. He had a hard time believing all the things Nekomaru said, but now he was at least starting to. 

For now he could at least be himself with the man he fell for. 

**Author's Note:**

> HEYYYY THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR CHECKING OUT MY FIC!! I absolutely adore this ship and ive been working on this fic for about two years now?? so its kind of like my baby in a way. anyway I have a lot of feelings about my boy souda and I think we need some nekomaru appreciation and general postcanon island stuff in the dr fandom, so here goes! THANK YOU FOR READING! <3


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